first and foremost, i gotta give a shout out to my homie martha stewart. congratulations and i'll be seeing you in 5 months biotch! and mad props to lance in france. one more punk to take down before you bring it home again! go us! now all you gotta do is dump nasty sharyl crow then you'll get an A in my book. so yeah, last 24 hours have been insane. got to bed really late last night, which is completely normal i guess you can say. but since i had to be at work today at 1, i was so hoping to get up early to get some stuff done, or at least to relax and play the dance game. but nope. wake up right at noon, with just enough time for me to get ready and leave. do i even have to tell you how pissed i was? i just want to say, that i appreciate all those who read this every now and then. its a weird thing that people are actually interested in my boring whacked out life. i mean, i sit and read matt's (i'm up to january 2004 finally), and he's got such the busy life doing so much. me? you won't find me living the life. i play the dance game.
speaking of matt, a friend and i are now reading the diary together. this person is a little farther behind than i, but its still fun to talk about what we read. its like reading some really dang good fiction (however, its sweet to know that its not, and its about a good friend of mine). for anyone who has waaaay too much time on their hands, again its: http://blankwave.diaryland.com/ go to Archive and read about the tragic that is love, the joy that is music, the stress that is dirty roommates, and the drama that is big, nice smelling black guys calling you a faggot on the subway.
so, i really want to be honest when i write. i don't want to just BS this diary, just so people will read it and find it interesting. i want to tell my life how it is, with very little secrets, if any at all. so what's coming next may or may not be a shocker to those that know me. yesterday and last night, with a help from a few ladies, i realized that i am depressed. now, i'm not talking, "i'm having such a bad day today," but like i seriously suffer from depression. to some, this sounds ridiculous, but whatever (all you gotta do is look at the majority of my family to see what depression is). i think i'm gonna look into start seeing someone. maybe they can get me on some drugs or snap me out of it. i'm just sick of being sad and mad and bitter every single day of my life. i have such a good life, but i'm never happy. i just want to be happy again. not even sure if i can say "again." this has been going on for so many years. its all that damn Cure i listened to in high school (which has now been replaced by Bright Eyes). i just get sick of living and sick of people and everything in this world. i just want to take some time off from the world. maybe come back when things are a little easier. since that will never happen, i'm forced to see a shrink. too bad the shrink's name won't be jack daniels. anyways, thanks for those that just listen. its probably the only thing that gets me through.
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